少儿双语幽默小故事:分苹果
　　1.【分苹果】 　　Harry was given two apples, a small one and a large one, by his Mum. Share them with your sister, she Harry gave the small one to his little sister and started touching into the large ! said his sister, If Mum had given them to me I'd have given you the large one and had the small one , said Harry, that's what you've got, so what are you worrying about? 　　妈妈给了哈里两个苹果，一个大一点，另一个小点儿。跟妹妹分着吃。妈妈说。所以，哈里就把小个的给了妹妹，自己开始啃那个大个的。哼，妹妹说，如果妈妈给了我，我会把大的给你，把小的留给自己的。对呀 ，哈里说，你拿到的不就是小的吗？还着什么急呀？
　　2.【钱不用找了】 　　Selling secondhand books at our church bazaar, I got into an argument with a prospective customer. He was interested in buying The Pocket Book of Ogden Nash but claimed it was overpriced at 35 cents. Other paperbacks were selling for ten or 15 cents pointed out that the book was in good condition. Nash was a fun poet, and it was for a good cause. He said it was a matter of principle. Ultimately, I agreed to sell him the book for 15 cents. Triumphant, he paid with a $10 bill. "Keep the change," he said. 　　在教堂的义卖市上卖旧书时，我与一名准备买东西的顾客发生了一场争论。他对购买袖珍奥金.纳什集颇感兴趣，但是说它要三十五美分开价过高。其它的平装书每本才卖十或十五美分。我指出这本书保存状况颇好， 纳什是个有趣的诗人，这个要价是合理的。他说这是个原则问题。终，我同意以十五美分的价格将这本书卖给他。他得意洋洋，拿出一张十美元的票子付帐。“零钱不用找了。”他说。
　　3.【咒语】 　　An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you."The old man says without hesitation - "I now pronounce you man and wife."
　　一个男人找到一个巫婆，要求她解开一条困扰了自己40年的咒语。巫婆说:"或许我可以做的到，但你必须一字不落地告诉我下咒的时候说的那句咒语。"男人毫不犹豫的答道:“‘我现在宣布你们成为夫妇。’”
　　4.【谁是上帝】 　　A little kid asks his father, "Daddy, is God a man or a woman?""Both son. God is both."After a while the kid comes again and asks, "Daddy, is God black or white?""Both son, both."The child returns a few minutes later and says, "Daddy, is Michael Jackson God?"
　　一个小孩问他的父亲:“爸爸，上帝是男人还是女人？”“他二者皆是，孩子，上帝二者皆是。”过了一会，孩子又问:“爸爸，上帝是黑人还是白人？”“二者皆是，孩子，皆是。”孩子过了一会倒回来说:“爸 爸，上帝是迈克杰克逊吗？”
　　5.【受训的鹦鹉】 　　There was a little old lady who was nearly blind, and she had three sons who wanted to prove which one was the best to 1 bought her a 15-room mansion, thinking this would surely be the best that any of them could offer 2 bought her a beautiful Mercedes with a chauffeur included, thinking this would surely win her 3 had to do something even better, so he bought her a parrot that he had been training for 15 years to memorize the entire Bible. You could ask the parrot any verse in the Bible, and he could quote it word for word. What a gift that would , the old lady went to the first son and said, "Son, the house is just gorgeous, but it's really much too big for me. I only live in one room, and it's too large to clean and take care of. I really don't need the house, but thank you anyway." Then she confronted her second son with, "Son, the car is beautiful. It has everything you could ever want on it, but I don't drive and really don't like the chauffeur, so please return the car."Next, she went to Son 3 and said, "Son, I just want to thank you for your most thoughtful gift. That chicken was delicious."
　　从前有一个近乎失明的小老太，她有三个儿子，每一个都想向母亲证明自己对她比较好。第一个儿子为她买下一栋有15个房间的大屋，他觉得这是对母亲比较好的孝顺方式，其他兄弟都比不上。二儿子为她买了一辆漂亮 的奔驰，还配了个司机。他也觉得他一定会赢了。老三为母亲买了一只鹦鹉。这只鹦鹉接受了15年的训练，能一字不落地背诵整部圣经，并且不论你问他什么，他都能从圣经里原句引出。这位老太太对他的第一个儿 子说:“孩子，你买的房子很棒。但是它太大了，我只能睡一间屋，还要花时间去打理剩下的房间，谢谢你，但我实在不需要它。”接着她对二儿子说:“你的车也很好，再不能找到比那更棒的车了，但我不会开车 ，也不喜欢那个司机，所以你把它拿去推了吧！”后，她对她的小儿子说:“孩子，我要感谢你棒的礼物！那只鸡实在是美味啊！”